The rest of the day I felt more open. The words spoken to us during our morning gathering were not received as a criticism, or a fault on my behalf. I began to really understand that our life is a journey, one meant to have many paths, and each path will have an outcome, be it good or bad, light or dark, but both have a purpose. The dark moments are opportunities for us to grow. Shining light on to the shadows of our life allows us to grow and bloom. I also learned that allowing people to be who they are, including myself, is a gift. Trying to control them or force them to be someone who they aren't, to try and conform them to your standards stifles their light. Everyone needs to be able to experience their journey in their own way. All we can do is send love and prayers to them. This applied to my life in so many ways, but in that moment it made me think of the unrealistic expectations I put on my husband and son. And I wrote a promise to myself that morning that I would stop trying to control them. I would stop putting expectations on myself and them. My teacher also suggested to ask them to give me a rating each night of how I did that day which I am happy to say that I still do! It may sound silly but it helps me to not only understand how my moods affect them but also to not take myself so seriously. We can joke with each other that "oh geez, I'm a 2 right now, I better work on that!" And I can laugh at how ridiculous I am being sometimes! I'm a Leo and tend to have a flair for the dramatic so a small problem often can seem like a gigantic catastrophe.
On this day that began so heavily, so full of resistance and darkness I was able to peel back the layers and reveal the light shining underneath. Still dim, but there, warming my soul. Hope was there, and with a bit of hard work I knew I would shine bright very soon. For myself, for my family, for the world. To top it all off one of the teachers shared a poem with us that day by Tara Sophia Mohr called "Your Other Name". It tied together my journey this far and even today speaks to me and my light. I would like to share it with you and if you like it as much as I do please visit her website: www.taramohr.com.
Your Other Name
If your life doesn't often make you feel
like a cauldron of swirling light -
If you are not often enough a women standing
above a mysterious fire,
lifting her head to the sky -
You are doing too much, and listening too little.
Read poems. Walk in the woods. Make slow art.
Tie a rope around your heart, be lead by it off the plank.,
You are no animal. You are galaxy with skin.
Home to blue and yellow light shots,
making speed-of-light curves and race car turns,
bouncing in ricochet -
Don't slow down the light and turn it into matter
with feeble preoccupations.
Don't forget your true name:
Presiding one. Home for the gleaming.
Strong cauldron for the feast of light.
Strong cauldron for the feast of light:
I am speaking to you.
I beg you not to forget.
-Tara Sophia Mohr